Starting a blog! ack. . . . pretty sure no one will ever read it, and that's ok with me. Although paper and pen is always my preferred method of writing it seems that its time for me to get with the times and write online. which sounds a little funny given that i'm 25 :)
maybe i'll write an introductory post at some point, but for now, i'll just jump right in :)
baby #2 is on the way! Baby E is 11 months old and little bean is only 7.5 weeks (to be exact). I'm happy and excited, but also very overwhelmed. Tonight M had hockey, I watched a movie on netflix in bed, and afterwards just cried!
clearly a little hormonal i'll give you that! But life was/is a little overwhelming, i'm going back to work in 6 weeks, my baby E is turning 1 next month, i'm in the middle of sleep training him (Day 2, its going to be a long week), the laundry is piling up, the house is a mess, and i'm tired. And all i can think of is Am I Crazy?! what where we thinking to having 2 babies so close together. I'm so not ready to go back to work, I don't know how to leave my baby. will I ever be able to get baby E on a predictable schedule where someone else can look after him for 14 hours a day (12 hour shifts that last much longer!).
some days i want a day off, but being a mom is a full time job, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom, i love my son, i love my life. some days are just a little more trying than others, its been one of those weeks.
I started sleep training, i got into a bad habit of nursing Baby E right before every nap and bedtime, and now no one else can put him down to sleep. Which does not work well when you are a nurse working shift work that involves 12 hour days and nights. I know i just need to get threw this week and it will be better, the crying is just so draining. Change is hard, for me and baby E. . . . i hear him crying even if its quiet in the house and he's sleeping peacefully. . . .
secret #1 i'm not so sure i want to go back to work. I know it will only be for 5 months or so, but right now i'm at the point where E needs me! he's still so little. And i know that in other countries maternity leave is so short! and here we get a whole year! and i'm lucky, i'm able to go back to work 2 weeks after E's birthday. But it still doesn't make it any easier, i dont want to miss him standing by himself, or taking his first steps. I have seen all of his accomplishments first. I've seen everything from the minute he was born until now. How can I miss the next 5 months. I realize i'm not leaving the country :) and with shift work i'll actually be home a fair bit and on weekends he will have his daddy. I just can't fathom leaving him, how do you leave your baby?? I'm thinking it will be rough at the start but I'll get used to it.
and wowzers! I am hungry ALL THE TIME. growing a baby and breastfeeding a baby at the same time literally sucks all the calories out of you. which i suppose is great for keeping my weight down, but not so great for my stomach size. its 11pm and i'm ready for a full meal. although the thought of food makes me nauseous. I must say it is quite the vicious cycle.
oh wow its getting late, E will be up hopefully after 7, that didn't happen this morning but i was spoiled up at 6:30, fed and then he slept until 9! i was not so lucky i couldn't sleep after that. But it did mean i got to enjoy a HOT tea. any mom will know what a delicacy that is, considering it pretty much never happens with a baby around.
anyways bed for me!
L.
ps. its too late to edit, but i'm assuming no one will read this but me and i'm pretty sure i'll forgive myself later :)
